RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM A TWO-TIME CANCER SURVIVOR

in the words of the immortal Joan Crawford, "Don’t f*%k with me fellas. This ain’t my first time at the rodeo."

it's weird to type "two-time cancer survivor" and know i'm referring to me. as of two days ago, i have now survived my second bout of cancer in 20 months. i guess that's what a survivor is - i had cancer in my body {which is now gone, PTL} and i survived. in its place, i now have a seatbelt for a colon {look that up or ask me to demonstrate the next time i see you} and an iceball in my right kidney where the mass once took up residence.

here are some random thoughts from the last 48 hours:

• Somebody got a smiley face on her vital stats. Seriously - a legit red pen smiley face.

• Same somebody got a frowny face on her level of exercise and water intake.

• Same somebody has sprouted up an inch - to 5'2 and a quarter inches. barefoot with no teased hair.

• Apparently Versed makes my body melt. or so I told anyone who would listen. twelve times.

• Everyone at Mayo heard where our safe deposit box keys were and where the actual box was located.

• The anesthesiologist didn't think my request to sleep like Michael Jackson was funny.

• My new favorite doctor of all time, Dr. Lewis, told me he would have to manipulate the muscle between my ribs and my kidney because I was {and I quote} "a thin woman."

• My husband called me Drugstore Cowboy because i was offered Dilaudid for pain.

• My after surgery restrictions included making no major decisions for 48 hours. Apparently buying a Tesla is a major decision. Asking for a McDonald's cheeseburger is not.

• No strenuous exercise for three years. Chris heard three days. I'm sticking with what i heard.

• Unlimited heating pad time makes me a happy camper.

• Having USOpen tennis on all day is a bonus.

• A category 4 hurricane headed to Florida is not a bonus.

i have spent my entire life using humor to deal with difficult situations. but cancer is no joke. the anxiety and inability to sleep are almost as bad as the diagnosis itself. i am lucky. both of my bouts have been caught very early and i have had an incredible team of doctors at Shands and Mayo Clinic monitoring me and moving swiftly to prevent additional problems.

all of the thoughts, prayers, good vibes, juju and chi have lifted my spirits and our family has felt the love from so many. i think about several of my friends who are also battling cancer or who have lost a loved one to cancer just since i was first diagnosed in december 2017. they need your prayers and love too. if you are so inclined, add Gunnar, Julie, Erica, Martha, Billy, Jim, Charlie, Lindsey, Pam, Jeri and LeAnne to your list. this club we are a part of is one nobody wants to join. if i have to be a member, i might as well be the number one cheerleader and gatherer of positive chi.

i captured this evening rainbow just after i was released from the hospital on tuesday. i choose to think it's a sign that my personal storm is over and it's sunshine from here on.